Ordinary Eve
'God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth' St John 4 Vs 24
An old-fashioned image is playing on my mind: Sunday dressed Mother (dress and sensible heels), Father (jacket and tie) and three children of nine, six and three in matching velvet trimmed Sunday best long coats buttoned up to the collar. This image of the united family, all focused on the priest's actions and words, children all immaculately behaved is an ideal: as truth so often is.
As a mother of three under three, I can vouch for the difficulties of presenting a family unit in God's house each Sunday. I certainly share the ideal of regular, ordered church going and aspire to reaping the benefits of having Church a corner stone in family life...but our truth is some way from the ideal for now! Without doubt, there comes an age in children around 4 (seasoned by their characters) when understanding and hence appreciation of codes of practice other than family homes, playgroups, cafes and schools becomes possible. Actually our children love going to Church. The love looking at statues of Mary, Christ on the cross, St Anthony, St Francis, candles and the priest in the varying colour cloaks. But, they also love what to run up and down aisles, in and out of lady chapels, climbing over pews and generally projecting their voices in what is supposed to be a peaceful environment. Of course, our church, like many, has an 'insulated' room in which noisy children can be contained under supervision of a parent while the priest's service is channelled through the sound system. But this is clearly not ideal when it results in only one parent remaining in the pew for the duration of the Mass. If all five of us make it as far as the first reading we are really pleased with ourselves!
The net result of all of this is that apart from the key religious days, we rarely attempt to present ourselves in church. Christians with no immediate family experience may criticise us for not keeping children disciplined at times like these. However, I would put forward the view that discipline before reason takes hold causes undue pressure on the child and more than likely creates a negative association with a place that should embody only faith, hope and charity.
As Catholic parents of young children, we have to incorporate religion into their lives in a way that they find accessible and enjoyable. That is through visual objects such as holy pictures, Children's Bibles, or candles. Or through simple prayers which take on a semblance for children of "telephone calls", or made-up stories analogous to nursery rhymes. Children also enjoy religion through play-acting and through their imaginations. One of my most vivid memories from my own childhood was pretending to be the priest and conducting a service in my parents' sitting room! I laid out a wooden chest with tea towels and jugs and a glass for the chalice and cut up rounds of white card for the hosts! I even had a small wicker basket for the collection. I then used to follow the service in my missal. It still strikes my just how much enjoyment I got through this little game given that I also remember my father's despair when I was firmly unwilling to be taken to Church on a Sunday. He would chase me round the garden (which I clearly loved) before giving in and leaving me to a less virtuous morning at home!
For the time being then, I am most at ease presenting religion to our children in forms that they appreciate. It remain my objective to instil regular Sunday outings to church when the time is more suitable and since we don't want to be tied to Catholic education for the children if it's not the best option for us, it feels even more important to have church going as a routine part of our family life.
For the moment, Sundays for the Nicholls' family are taking on a rather pagan feel. We usually find a museum or a quirky playground. Just as in churches, the children see feel a desire to 'expand' and run around. It might not work so well in museums but it certainly works in playgrounds. We may not be following the accepted code of practice by avoiding Church on Sundays, but we find a way to God at many other times during the week and for that we are thankful. After all, there is a place and a time for everything and there is nothing that spells UNITY as clearly as family members under one roof in God's house....without the screaming.
