Ordinary Eve

Grumpy old woman - Bah humbug!

Now I don't like to moan....and I like a bit of the old Christmas cheer me....but since when did Christmas start in October?!

Once upon a time Christmas was the shining light at the end of the long dark tunnel of winter, but the salesmen have turned it into a string of 1000watt fairy lights glowing brightly throughout October and November and rising to a frenzy of Yuletide madness from December 1st onwards.

It's bad enough having to cope with your relatives for an extended period every year without

1. being induced by Oxo ads to cook a giant dinner for your loved ones

2. spending money you don't have on presents they don't want

3. getting presents you don't want that cost money your loved ones don't have

4. smiling throughout!

What happened to Silent Night and little baby Jesus? They've taken one of our most important festivals and turned it into a 3-month-long excercise in destroying your body, soul and bank balance!

And don't give me that rubbish about Christmas really being a pagan festival "so that makes it alright then". The pagan festival of Yule was about anarchy, drunkeness and bringing bits of twig in from outside.

The bits Yule contributes to Christmas are

• the boss snogging the teaboy

• overdrafts

• hangovers and

• Slade!

• Ok...and holly but that's the only good bit

All the best bits about Christmas

• carols

• giving and receiving presents (reasonably priced)

• being nice to everyone for a change

• candles and

• a will for peace

are all Christian! They've just been hi-jacked by the man from marketing who snuck in the back door of the Church complete with Bacardi Breezer and a flashing fake mistletoe on a head band.

Now I don't want to preach, I'm just saying, something should be done! It's our job to do it. But far be it from me to tell you what to do....the fine young people at Spirit of Christmas have done a much better job.

So what are you waiting for? Off you go! Now where's my knitting...

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