Ordinary Eve
My 5 Worst Dates
The pressure on single people around Valentine's Day is completely underestimated in my opinion.
If you do have a date you are thinking - what does it mean that we have a date early on in the relationship? Should I buy a card? Could I buy a present and then stash it in a large bag in case the date-ee doesn't bring one so I don't look like and idiot? What if they say they love me? etc etc
Pizza and friends
If you don't have a date then it's fine if you can go out with friends and either flirt with some suitable (or-unsuitable) types or sit at home moaning with them and watching videos and eating pizza. But if all your friends are loved up then you're likely to get morose and that pizza will only be a source of more recriminations in the morning!.
And even if you do have single friends to go out with you are may still be feeling disappointed and quite possibly like a second class citizen.(At this point I am sure that some readers will jump in with "but Katie, the love of God means I know myself to be truly beautiful and I don't need the validation of anyone else to complete my life" if you are that person I am very happy for you, now go off and read our piece on Lent whilst the rest of us wallow in self-pity)
Solidarity and shamelessness
And so, in the interests of solidarity and the firm belief that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. I have succumbed to a strange impulse to share with you my 5 worst dates so you can remember them and think - Thank God (literally) that I haven't got a date this Valentine's Day.
Bad Date 1
I met this date in a Spanish Tapas Bar. He seemed to be a nice chap and we got on well. He invited me on a date the following day to watch the European Rugby Cup at a local bar. When I arrived he was drunk, all his friends were there too and at the end when I went to leave and he was looking for my coat he held it up eventually laughing at how horrible he thought it was, until he realised it was mine.
We dated for a year.
Bad Date 2
I met this guy also at a tapas bar (not the same one), we had a couple of dates in London. Only one snag, he actually lived in Holland. No problem - he invited me over for a visit, which I looked forward to with a lot of excitement!
On getting to his house he went straight to bed, because he had injured his back and was on very strong tranquilisers. He left me completely alone all afternoon with only Dutch tv as my companion. Dutch tv is bad even if you can understand it. That evening he took me out and spent the whole evening looking over my shoulder as if I wasn't there.
Finally the following day he dropped me off at a station saying, "You know how to get home from here, you used to live in Belgium didn't you?.."
We never saw each other again.
Bad Date 3
We met online and planned to share our love of sushi at a local (inexpensive) restaurant. But, it was Monday so like all good sushi restaurants it was shut. (no fishing on Sundays). Instead we ended up at Nobu - one of the most expensive sushi restaurants in London - with little to say to each other and my wimmin's lib meaning I had to stump up half the bill.
We never saw each other again.
Bad Date 4
This charming man declared his love to me whilst I was seeing someone else. On discovering this fact he had a complete sulk and failed to speak to me for the rest of the night, then drove his hand into a wall.
Presumably I found this behaviour charming as we (eventually) dated for 2 years...
Bad Date 5 - sort of...
I met Number 5 at a wedding. I liked his Dutch sense of humour , he thought I had a laid back Dutch-type attitude and we shared a love of music. The remainder of our liaison was conducted on email - unsurprisingly as he is Dutch.
All went well at first, I knew that there was another girl taht he liked but I thought my natural charm and good looks would win the day. I was wrong - and he told me how great it was that he had got together with her and how he would love to come clubbing with me in London one day soon.
I wrote back and told him it was inappropriate to tell me not just that he had got together with someone else but how great she was, and how excruciatingly happy he was. But that I hoped he would indeed come clubbing in London one day soon.
We never emailed each other again.
Bonus Bad Date - Bad Date 6
I was very excited by this date as I liked this man's emails and his picture was lovely! In fact, so lovely that when he wanted a date with me I was worried that something was wrong.
Trust your instincts! When I met him in the flest he was truly handsome - well we all know our "place" as it were and he was definitely out of my league. But also by the end of the date I knew he wasn't the right person for me either.
On the way home I started to get very complimentary texts - but it was all too full on and I started to get very nervous, in fact, over the next few days I started to get mildly stalked! Texts were coming every 10 minutes - and I wasn't replying!
All ended well when I told him to stop, cease and desist and took out a contract on him...
We never saw each other again.
No more dating
And now? Now, I can talk about these horrendous incidents from a viewpoint of wry wisdom and sagacity because I finally found person that didn't humiliate my for my dress sense, or stalk me, or ignore me, or tell me how great other people were. So I married him.
Mainly my bad dates occured because I was open to love and I was looking for a life companion - oh yes, and I misjudged what was good for me a couple of times!
We all make mistakes and they will only serve to make your final settling down or opting out of dating all the sweeter!
So remember my horrible dates when you face Valentine's Day and remember, you have to kiss a lot of toads to get a prince!
Katie McLaughlin
