Ordinary Eve
Single Again
I have a confession to make. OK it's not strictly a confession but somehow it always feels like a guilty secret is being revealed when you say the words
"Graham/Mike/That Walking-Alert-for-the-Fashion-Police [insert appropriate epithet] and I have split up."
(Please note, I am saying that WE have split up you can be sure that I was the one who was dumped. If it were the other way round you can be sure that I'd be saying that I'd dumped him!)
But why this feeling of shame and failure? Why try and deflect attention from something that happens to everyone. Yes everyone, it's not just me you know! (oh or you, sorry)
I think it's because, whether you were in love or not, happy or unhappy, looking for a way out or waiting for a proposal, the end of a relationship feels like a rejection of your most intimate self. It feels as if most intimate expression of yourself just isn't good enough for the person you put your hopes in. At this point logic flies out the window and you either turn in on yourself (I will never get married and will die alone eaten by my cats!) or out against him (I'm just off now to kerosene his house...). Neither of which is going to help you.
Being a Christian is great at this point because you have someone to talk to; the one person who won't change the way they feel about you just because you no longer have a boyfriend or husband to take to dinner parties; the one person who won't stop listening because this is the 5th time this week you have rung their mobile late at night wailing that no one can understand your pain; the one person who just loves you and always, always wants the best for you. With God you don't need to feel like a failure because you aren't, you may well fail, but that doesn't make you the personification of the noun!
So do I have any advice for you now that I've shared my guilty secret? Take care of yourself as a reflection of how God longs to take care of you (plus the best revenge is looking good!), rent some comedy films, get some chocolate and laugh for a bit. I won't tell you how long it will take to feel better - particularly if they start behaving badly after the break has happened - but I can tell you you will feel better...eventually. Finally, do read the Bible, sometimes you get a glimpse of God's love that will stun you and make life easier to get on with. And do talk to God, apart from anything else it will give your best friend a break which is only the Christian thing to do. And it may strengthen your bond with him by allowing him to show you just how beautiful you are.
Katie Streten
