Ordinary Eve
Dealing with Valentine's Day
Last year I was less bothered by spending Valentine's Day single than at any other time since the age of 8 when I first realised grown up women were given chocolates by boys around this time of year for what then appeared to me to be no reason. I wanted some of that action!
I my change of attitude last year down to two things. First - Getting older and second - Being out of what I considered to be a fruitless relationship (I wil brush over the former for now because I am vain - but at least I am honest).
This time last year I had just been forcibly removed from a relationship I had felt wasn't right for some time. It didn't stop me from wanting it to continue of course, but in my heart I never expect it to last as long as it did and it was less than constructive in more ways than simply on my purse and my sense of humour. So when the decision was taken out of my hands and I was - not to put to fine a point on it - dumped, Valentine's Day was actually celebratory for me in a new way, it reminded me of how great it can be to be free.
This year of course, all that has changed. I am not so desperate to be in a relationship that the dreaded day makes me stick my head under the duvet and refuse to go to work. It has affected me in a different way, it has made me look at how I view relationships, being relationshipless and my relations with God.
I have realised something that as a Christian you are not supposed to say, otherwise you're goin' straight to hell. I am angry with God.
Stop a moment before you get shocked, or worse, afraid. I am in good company - ask Job, Jonah and Moses. The most important thing in any relationship, particularly one with God, is that we are honest, only in that way can issues like this be dealt with.
I don't think I am that unusual. Where is my nice Christian husband that I get for being a good girl? Where are my children (2.4 since you ask)? Where is my house in the country and my settled domestic bliss? Worse, how come other people I know have got these things and I haven't? Seems like God might have made a mistake somewhere along the line. How can I be blamed for not behaving properly if God hasnt' given me the means to do that?
So how does all this anger help me cope with Valentine's Day? Well, perhaps I mislead you there, it's not so much about coping as about not coping. And hey, that's ok too kids.
Having a negative reaction to something is fine as long as you can acknowledge it, bring it out in the open don't let it fester inside you. Be angry, but talk to God about it. Be frustrated but share it with him. Will he make it go away? I can't promise you anything, that's between you and him and what he wants for you. But he will listen, he does have a plan, he can love and console you in the meantime but not if you leave difficult feelings like this tucked deep inside you and pretend that you are ok with his plans for you when you're not.
Let him love you.
Katie Streten
