Ordinary Eve
For all we 'Singletons'
6th December - calories - 2012, cigarettes - none, boyfriends = zero.
Is it just me or does being single get you down more at Christmas than any other time of year? As I watch Bridget Jones's Diary for the 5th time, I think I may be coming to identify with her a bit too much. Is it something about the festive season that makes married couples seem more smug, friends with children seem a bit more unavailable and the thought of not having someone to wake up with a bit more depressing?
At this moment I am wondering how long my mum is going to feel obliged to fill a stocking for me, and whether my folks will be offended if I leave the family gathering on Boxing Day. Not that I'm complaining - I have a lovely family - however, I get the impression that, until I get hitched, they still feel responsible for me.
But it's not just Christmas day blues that are the issue here. Perhaps you have been married and are now separated, so feel the lack of a partner all the more keenly. Or maybe you feel out of place as a single person in your church, which may be geared for families and children. This is a problem for a lot of Christians and has given rise to many more Christian websites designed for finding friendship and romance. (hint - try out Christian Connection!)
According to the newspaper columnists, in 30 years time there is going to be a lonely generation of "selfish" unmarried pensioners; women who have eschewed marriage and children in favour of their careers and independence. Well, that may be so but I happen to think that most Christians don't fall into that category. I know plenty of older single Christian women who are far from lonely. They are very fulfilled, having spent their lives serving Christ, and you can never find a free slot in their calendars. Some Christians (like St Paul) choose the single life, some are still waiting for the right person to come along, but I don't think any of us choose it for selfish reasons. Being single means you only have God to please and you don't have to be divided in your time or priorities. Instead of asking for God to send us the right spouse, maybe we should be asking how we can best use our singleness for God? It doesn't mean giving up on your dream of being in a partnership, but it does mean you won't waste all the life God has given you to live until then.
Being a Christian, single or not, means being part of a community. God knows we need to be in relationships with other people. If your church leaves you feeling lonely then I suggest trying to find another one with more opportunities for friendship and involvement.
So, carry on trusting God for all your needs and - be singularly significant!
Apart from that I don't have any tips for surviving Christmas except avoid snogging the boss, don't leave your diary hanging around and remember - the Bible is the only self-help book you need!
Kate Orr
